Living with chronic pain prevents a lot of normal things happening in ones life. Planning trips or any type of activity is almost impossible. The body does not communicate like it should. It does not ask or make deals with you to allow a planned period of time of wellness. You can estimate and hope that by following a pattern, a planned activity will work out and your body will allow you to have some fun and normalcy. Sadly, about one percent of that estimate actually works. Most trips or activities continue in complete and utter pain. They are exhausting and usually make things worse because you have done too much during that period. It is really hard to plan anything.
Due to the more recent turn of events with my health my space of living has been confined to four walls. I have it set up to be as comfortable as possible. My friends like to call it the "bed and breakfast". I have a television, computer, and Ipad for any type of entertainment. I have a chaise lounge for visitors to be comfortable while they watch me sleep or watch Netflix. There are pictures on the walls, some are inspirational quotes, some are spiritual, and some are of my friends. There are plenty of blankets and accessories to make my living space as comfortable and inviting as can be. It truly is a lovely place, but after a while even the four walls of beauty get tiring. It can become stuffy at times and even uncomfortable. When your whole life has suddenly been condensed to only your room, the slightest bit of a change is intriguing and accepted most times.
During my stay in Park City, I hardly spoke to anyone. With my voice being hoarse and the energy it takes to speak, it was easier to be silent and observe. I walked slower than a turtle. If I move too fast the dizziness becomes worse and I feel that I am going to pass out and it also hurts the rib more with fast motions. Walking down the hall to the elevator wore me out. I attempted the hot tub numerous times because it does help relax and take pressure off the rib. I was unable to enjoy it like I had hoped. If I got too hot I felt more sick to my stomach. If little kids got in and started splashing and moving around the water it made the dizziness go haywire. Sleeping was just like at home. I did not get much sleep. The pain keeps me up. I tried my hardest to entertain my little nieces and my cousins kids. Everyday I took time to get ready and tried not to look so sick or show it with expressions. Wherever the action was I tried to be there the entire time.
One would think that was a horrible time and waste of valuable resting energy to get me back to working and on with my normal life. To those who think or say that, I disagree. Why would I exert all my energy into this family gathering? Surely my family would understand why I was unable to attend. Why risk having a setback and making things worse? Because despite what seemed like a horrible time for me it was a wonderful retreat. I was able to look at something else besides my walls. I got to push myself everyday to be as well as possible. I was in a big beautiful room that allowed me to relax when needed. Everything I could possibly need was all at the resort. I was up in the mountains. It was beautiful weather. Most of all, I was with my family. I was making memories. Watching my family interact with one another and hearing them laugh and tell stories was a blessing. It brought life back into me. To see how happy they were with whatever activity they were doing made me happy. Even if I could not participate in the activity.
Having a change of venue is healing. To be where my family is brings joy to my life. It makes me feel like a person and let me forget just for a moment that I am sick. It is worth being in more pain for, more tired for, more dizzy for. It is worth everything. I am home now and back in my four wall box. It does feel good to be home and in my own bed. I will enjoy this for a little bit, to be in my own space. When that wares off, I will have Park City to remember and the opportunity for a different change of venue when it is needed. It was a wonderful blessing to be in a different place for the weekend. It is what makes the little things precious. Illness and the little things, that is my life.