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People's Ignorance

With my health being in the state it’s at I’ve come to notice the ignorance of so many people and places. 
On the days that I do venture out, I use my handicap pass for parking.  I’ve noticed the extreme limited amount of handicap parking spaces.  At the University Mall, with all its parking, there are only 4 every few rows on the south side.  Which, I’ll admit, before I really needed use of the space I never cared nor wondered if there were enough handicap parking spaces wherever I went. 
One day, I decided to “walk” around the mall for a minute.  I had just been to the movies next door.  A really sweet older man offered to help me down the few steps from the theater room.  Not knowing that you can’t touch my left side, that I had just fallen down the stairs the week before, and that stairs in general are painful.  He sort of just dragged me down them roughly.  Not helpful, but he didn’t know.  That incident had already made things tough and the pain and exhaustion was setting in.  It…
Recent posts

I'm still here. Struggling, but surviving

It's been a little bit of a bumpy road the last bit.  There are days where I feel somewhat okay.  Well enough to at least go to the store or to a movie, and others (which are more frequent) where it is all I can do to just get out of bed.  The pain in my ribs gets so bad.  If that weren't enough, I've been having terrible migraines in the back of my head.  My right arm is still giving me trouble.  Most days it's so weak, I can barely hold a plate in that hand.  If I'm honest, it terrifies me. I don't know what that means.  Is the neuropathy spreading? Is something else going on? My head just spins. My doctor ended physical therapy even though I'm still using my walker.  I go swimming twice a month as my physical therapy.  It feels so nice to be in the water and not feel the pressure of pain.  But I can only handle it for about an hour and then I've completely exhausted myself. Thank you friends who have taken me swimming by the way.  It's not very g…

Why the last 6 out of 11 years of illness have been so significant

6 years ago this was me. Married Oct. 1. Back then my health wasn't prefect but it was manageable. Each year I reflect around this time & where life has taken me. I've often been asked if my health got better or worse during marriage or after the divorce.  Truth is, it stayed the same until after the divorce. Then 3 years later it seemed like I was going into remission.  I hadn't had a flare in months! I went almost a year without one.  Then things changed. 4 out of the 6 years out of the 11 total (of being sick) is when I lived the most.  I experienced my 3rd love, marriage, divorce, redefining how I wanted to be treated as a person, ran a half marathon,  connected with my mentor, changed my schooling path, participated in a documentary, had my thesis published,  & met the most incredible people of my life.  If I didn't divorce, 99% of those wonderful things wouldn't have happened.  I've grown so much these past 6 years. Never did I imagine on Oct.1 t…

Life just sucks sometimes: A long and painful update.

It's been a while.  A lot has been going on. I was randomly chosen for a Tax Audit for the year 2014. The guy who came, said he tried to get me out of it, but you have to be terminal to avoid the IRS. The type of audit I had, was a survey audit for Congress. Some weird questions were asked.  After the visit, I was asked to get some information from my work that needed answered.  That seemed like a big chore.  Luckily, after the guy who came to audit me, got back to his office, he called me.  He said he spoke to his Manager and they decided to drop the case.  I didn't need to provide any other info and a letter would be sent stating the audit was closed and I was in the clear.  I just found it so interesting with the odds of me being selected for an audit, while being as sick as I am.  I guess  you could say that was the most interesting thing that has happened to me in a while. 

Health wise, I'm currently on Sulfasalazine to treat the actual "disease". It's no…

Hello world, I'm still here thanks to the moments before I started to be sick.

Over the past few weeks, I have spent my nights of no sleep watching an old TV show called "GREEK".  It's a show about sororities and fraternities in College.  Not all that great, but it got me thinking.  It even made me cry.  It was all because I was remembering my life before I got to this moment.  I miss it. And I miss the people who have moved on.  

After High School, I went Southern Utah University.  It was amazing there.  I lived in a crappy, extremely old building on campus called Manzanita.  I lived with 4 other girls with 1 bathroom, no dishwasher, the whole building shared a small TV, and my first ever coin operated laundry experience.  I met the most wonderful people there.  It really was a glorious experience.  I dated a lot. It would annoy some of my roommates because I had a boyfriend at the time who was serving a mission. His name was Cameron and even though I dated a lot, I looked forward to his letters, emails, and packages. He was my first love. I met on…

Things people should know about someone with Chronic Pain and Illness: The do's and don'ts.

People mean well with the words they say or the actions they do when dealing with someone who has a chronic illness and pain.  I don’t believe anyone intentionally means the following remarks to be hurtful or annoying, or just ignorant.  However, to really try and understand how chronic pain works on a day to day basis then continue reading.  It’s to give people a better understanding of what is helpful and what is not.  Don’t be offended if you’ve done some of these things either.  Don’t be offended by my sarcastic remarks either.  I just want you to be aware. I’ve studied around on lists other people have made about chronic pain and what is helpful and what isn’t.  It wasn’t surprising when I found that my list was the same or very similar as others who deal with chronic pain.  -You don’t look sick- Just because I don’t look sick doesn’t mean that I’m not.  Some days there is a little more energy to put time and effort into getting ready for the day.  With chronic pain you learn ve…

No room for discouragment

What a month it has been.  So many miracles have taken place.  There is no other way to describe how certain things fell into place except by saying it was a miracle.

On November 16, my surgeon agreed to cut out a portion of my rib that day.  Previous to that date the CT scan I had done came back as normal. He however, took a second look and found something.  He brought in Radiology to confirm and they did.  It was supposed to be a simple Outpatient procedure.  The surgery part went great, the recovery did not.  I was prepared for even worse and a different type of pain but to the extreme at which I felt.  So after a few hours of agony, they decided to keep me at the hospital for a few days until I could get on top of the pain.  It was absolutely miserable.  I had a pain pump hooked for 3 days, but by day 2 I could already tell the difference that removing part of the rib was working.  The surgeon came in and told me everything looked normal.  The bone looked healthy, so he hoped thi…