Skip to main content

Why the last 6 out of 11 years of illness have been so significant

6 years ago this was me. Married Oct. 1. Back then my health wasn't prefect but it was manageable. Each year I reflect around this time & where life has taken me. I've often been asked if my health got better or worse during marriage or after the divorce.  Truth is, it stayed the same until after the divorce. Then 3 years later it seemed like I was going into remission.  I hadn't had a flare in months! I went almost a year without one.  Then things changed. 4 out of the 6 years out of the 11 total (of being sick) is when I lived the most.  I experienced my 3rd love, marriage, divorce, redefining how I wanted to be treated as a person, ran a half marathon,  connected with my mentor, changed my schooling path, participated in a documentary, had my thesis published,  & met the most incredible people of my life.  If I didn't divorce, 99% of those wonderful things wouldn't have happened.  I've grown so much these past 6 years. Never did I imagine on Oct.1 that I would be back at my parents,  walking with the support of a walker & cane, unable to drive, no break in flares, seeing a psychiatrist for PTSD, have part of a rib bone missing, & then developing neuropathy in the ribs. 6 out of the 11 years of illness have been the most wonderful and trying years of my life thus far. A massive load of life experiences in such a short time span.  But I wouldn't trade it for anything. I know I may complain or get frustrated with my health & what it's stopped me from doing. I may get down & cry, but I know from the moment I got married to now, it has changed me for the better. The whole 11 years has but most within the 6. I don't look anything like my 6 years ago self. When I look at this picture now I see that it tells a story.  I used to look at it & think that's a great bridal picture but also empty. It's definitely not an empty photo anymore. It's full of courage, strength, struggle, happiness, sadness, & mostly, HOPE. To the unpredictable future! #helpingmaika #rarediseases #chronicpain #chronicillness #neuropathy #ptsd #neuropathyinmyleftribs #autoimmuneproblems #anniversaries #hope #tojourneys


Popular posts from this blog

People's Ignorance

With my health being in the state it’s at I’ve come to notice the ignorance of so many people and places. 
On the days that I do venture out, I use my handicap pass for parking.  I’ve noticed the extreme limited amount of handicap parking spaces.  At the University Mall, with all its parking, there are only 4 every few rows on the south side.  Which, I’ll admit, before I really needed use of the space I never cared nor wondered if there were enough handicap parking spaces wherever I went. 
One day, I decided to “walk” around the mall for a minute.  I had just been to the movies next door.  A really sweet older man offered to help me down the few steps from the theater room.  Not knowing that you can’t touch my left side, that I had just fallen down the stairs the week before, and that stairs in general are painful.  He sort of just dragged me down them roughly.  Not helpful, but he didn’t know.  That incident had already made things tough and the pain and exhaustion was setting in.  It…

I'm still here. Struggling, but surviving

It's been a little bit of a bumpy road the last bit.  There are days where I feel somewhat okay.  Well enough to at least go to the store or to a movie, and others (which are more frequent) where it is all I can do to just get out of bed.  The pain in my ribs gets so bad.  If that weren't enough, I've been having terrible migraines in the back of my head.  My right arm is still giving me trouble.  Most days it's so weak, I can barely hold a plate in that hand.  If I'm honest, it terrifies me. I don't know what that means.  Is the neuropathy spreading? Is something else going on? My head just spins. My doctor ended physical therapy even though I'm still using my walker.  I go swimming twice a month as my physical therapy.  It feels so nice to be in the water and not feel the pressure of pain.  But I can only handle it for about an hour and then I've completely exhausted myself. Thank you friends who have taken me swimming by the way.  It's not very g…

Hello world, I'm still here thanks to the moments before I started to be sick.

Over the past few weeks, I have spent my nights of no sleep watching an old TV show called "GREEK".  It's a show about sororities and fraternities in College.  Not all that great, but it got me thinking.  It even made me cry.  It was all because I was remembering my life before I got to this moment.  I miss it. And I miss the people who have moved on.  

After High School, I went Southern Utah University.  It was amazing there.  I lived in a crappy, extremely old building on campus called Manzanita.  I lived with 4 other girls with 1 bathroom, no dishwasher, the whole building shared a small TV, and my first ever coin operated laundry experience.  I met the most wonderful people there.  It really was a glorious experience.  I dated a lot. It would annoy some of my roommates because I had a boyfriend at the time who was serving a mission. His name was Cameron and even though I dated a lot, I looked forward to his letters, emails, and packages. He was my first love. I met on…