Illness and the Little Things

What a month it has been.  So many miracles have taken place.  There is no other way to describe how certain things fell into place except by saying it was a miracle. On November 16, my surgeon agreed to cut out a portion of my rib that day.  Previous to that date the CT scan I had done came back as normal. He however, took a second look and found something.  He brought in Radiology to confirm and they did.  It was supposed to be a simple Outpatient procedure.  The surgery part went great, the recovery did not.  I was prepared for even worse and a different type of pain but to the extreme at which I felt.  So after a few hours of agony, they decided to keep me at the hospital for a few days until I could get on top of the pain.  It was absolutely miserable.  I had a pain pump hooked for 3 days, but by day 2 I could already tell the difference that removing part of the rib was working.  The surgeon came in and told me everything lo...

Well now that the people who needed to know personally from me know the big miracle unfolding, I can tell the rest of the world.  This coming Monday morning I will be having an outpatient surgery on my left rib.  The 7th rib to be exact.  Here I will try to answer any questions that people might ask about it.  I am still in shock but feel very humbled by how everything went down. As we all know, last Wednesday I posted my pity post of frustration.  Nothing was going right at that point.  I just needed a day or two to vent, be sad, frustrated, and what not.  That evening I had gotten the CT Scan done.  I was told that the surgeon would call me with the results the next day. Let me remind you that I was fully prepared for the following:  The scan would not show anything, the next step would be to kill the nerve around the rib, that experiment would fail, and I would be left with nothing.  Even during the meeting with the surgeon, he said...

GJFKLSJOFKOVNKFMGIOBJFVNDFWOQPDPLDKVJKN VKJVNDKJVNSKDLCMDLXKCM! That is how I am feeling right now.  It is how I have been feeling since my last post.  Today just happened to be the breaking point for me.  It has been feeling like all my efforts to get proper paperwork, doctors appointments, etc. have failed.  Today I felt like any hope I had to keep fighting was lost. Why try anymore?  Is this really how I am going to be the rest of my life?  If so, then why I am I fighting so hard to get results that will never come? I had been filing for Medicaid with the state since I am not working.  That itself is a very long and annoying process.  Instead of just sending everything at once, the state sends little parts of paperwork along the way.  By the time my doctor got the most important piece of documents, there was little time to get it sent back in to the state.  After it was sent in, the next day I received notice that it was turned in...

Well... I am officially moved into my parents home.  It was such a blessing to have so many people come out and help.  Not only did I feel loved, but it reminded me that people still care.  Some  days get pretty lonely.  Your day is so filled with pain and tiredness that all you can do is stay in bed.  So naturally you loose contact with the world outside.  That has been a hard thing for me lately.  Slowly I have been able to witness my independence disappear from me.   Social activities are very few as it is hard to find the energy to even get to the place needed.  Naturally one misses out on things when you are absent from other events.   However, it is not just the social activities that are becoming few.  It is my ability to do things for myself.  I have talked about the dizziness before.  The other day, I met with a specialist regarding the ear. As per usual that required more blood work.  We talked about ...

Illness and the Little Things: Going back home :  As I look back at my life and think of what my plans were at age 19 the plan I am about to make never crossed my mind.  After months of deb...

 As I look back at my life and think of what my plans were at age 19 the plan I am about to make never crossed my mind.  After months of debating it has been decided that I will be moving back home with my parents by the end of this month.  At 19 it did not occur to me that I would be so sick to the degree of the incapability of working, providing for myself, and having to move back home at age 29.  It is not an ideal situation.  Nothing about my life the past 10 months has been ideal.  Slowly I have been stripped of my independence. Ideally, I would not be sick, or if I still had to be I would at least be well enough to work and finish school and stay at my apartment on the third floor. Every day I tell myself "it could be worse" or that "one day I'll be well again".  I believe in those words.  It is what provides me hope.  However, hope does not change reality.  The reality is, I can no longer provide for myself.  I have extreme...

Over this last weekend I was able to travel to Park City, Utah and enjoy a little family reunion with my mom's side of the family.  We stayed in a beautiful resort.  It had everything for all ages.  You never had to leave the property if you did not want to.  There was so much family there despite the many that were unable to make it out.  They were missed.  However, to be able to see what family I  did brought a tremendous amount of happiness.  There were many nights spent around the fire and the hot tub.  For any healthy person it would appear to be an extremely relaxing resort.  In my case it was very taxing and left me more tired than if I were to just stay home.  So the question begs to ask then, "Why or how can you travel to a place that causes more stress and sets you back?"  I'll tell you... Living with chronic pain prevents a lot of normal things happening in ones life.  Planning trips or any type of activity is...

Everyday on my Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest accounts all I see are things about exercise.  I look at it and think, "that would be awesome if I could go running or lift weights".  My reality is that I am lucky if I can get out of bed and walk.  It is not that I do not wish to exercise like everyone else.  I would love to walk a fast pace and not feel like I am going to pass out from the dizziness.   During this new turn of health,  I seek exercise in a different light. During the week it is completely exhausting to get ready for the day.  Everything is such a chore, including brushing my teeth. But I have a routine so I stick with it.  Pushing myself is something that I can control. I like to call shower time the "warm-up" phase.  Blow-drying my hair is considered "toning".  I round brush my hair and that consists of a lot of arm strength especially when my hair does not dry very fast.    By the time I am done with ...